What?!

My attorney friend texted me this afternoon:

JP. Soon you will be the reowner of a used Kymco scootah

They will as you expected want a release of the county and [towing company]. And we'll have to get a way to pick up the bike during working hours but otherwise its all

good

He had done me a solid, and wrote a letter to the county attorney last month, and it apparently finally made an impression.  :)  I owe him many beers.

So, just as I was about to shutter KymCojones, this happens. Ain't life funny?  Too bad I already retired Bad Penny from Fuelly, having expected never to see her again.  :(
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Now You See It, Now You Don't

Bad Penny broke down on TN-840 between Smyrna and Lebanon on Tuesday evening, about 7 p.m. Loss of power, followed by a peg-out of the temperature gauge. Hm. Head Gasket #3 seems likely.

I was on the way to meet up with Andre, to do some network troubleshooting. I gave him a call, and he immediately hopped in the car and sped towards my breakdown spot. When he arrived, I tried it again, with him following. Within a minute, same loss of power. I pulled off, parked it 20+ yards from the shoulder in a gentle culvert (to make it less obvious, and to get it off the shoulder) on a flat piece of limestone. I fired up MyTracks, set a waypoint, and hopped in Andre's Buick.

Fast-forward to Thursday afternoon, about 4:20. I still had not secured a truck, when a co-worker asked where my scooter was. I explained to him, and he was like, "Oh, shit!  If you had called me Tuesday night, I'd have been right there with my truck and trailer!" So, we went there this afternoon, straight after work.

The only problem being... Bad Penny was gone.

Okay, let's call the Tennessee Highway Patrol, and see if they towed it, as abandoned. Oh, the numbers online listed for the Rutherford County post are all disconnected!  How convenient.

Once I got home tonight, I called the non-emergency number for Metro Police, and asked if they had a better THP number. They gave me one, and I did in fact reach someone at THP. They could find no record of towing in a scooter from TN-840 in the last two days, so I asked if they had a number for the Rutherford County Sheriff's Office, so I could report it stolen. "Oh," said the dispatcher. "Ask them if THEY towed it, 'cause they also patrol TN-840, and don't always coordinate abandoned vehicles with us."

BINGO. RCSO had it towed, and they gave me the address and phone for the towing company.

Let's see if you can figure out why I might get Bad Penny back without paying a towing charge or storage.
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Shameful

We stopped at the Zombie Shop on our way to taking a ride to Franklin, today. Most of these folx were at Rooster's awesome party the other night.

The reception we got was certainly not welcoming. Not hostile, but they looked at us as if we were carrying a load of shit in our pants. I cannot believe such cool people would take a hangover attitude like that towards scooter trash, who obviously support and dig the whole moped scene.

Our rally will not be this way, I promise.
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A Spectacle Quite Unlike

... any I have ever attended.

I knew Rooster had this thang planned for some time, but his reminder text this morning, "Free booze, strippers..." brought the reminder home. And I knew there was near 100% certainty that he wasn't bullshitting about any of it.

I pulled in around 9:30 p.m., a bit late, due to solving a neighbor's computer issues (which was itself quite an interesting adventure). Already, there were well over 100 people in attendance.

Within a minute of my trying to back my scooter in to park, at least 100 fucking mopeds showed up, right behind me (some blocking me in). 2-stroke smoke filled the air. Oh, yeah. It's that weekend. Man, what a scene.

I have no idea what this shit is doing in Rooster's bathroom, but it looks terribly freakin' important.

Rooster completes the OSHA inspection of the stripper pole.

This is truly as naked as they got while I was there, folx. Relax.  :)

To Rooster: I swear, man, this was a 13 on a scale from 1-10. I've not had this much fun without throwing up in 30 years. We're going to write books about this shit. It was astounding.
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Hope To Stay Away

Having bought my second license tag in a week (that is only good through the end of May!), I have to come up with a solution that either makes the tag absolutely irremovable without power cutting equipment, or that makes it easily removable, so that I can bring it in the house at night.
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Reason #82 To Ride A Scooter

You never have to remember what gear you're in before trying to leave Aldi.
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Sky? Falling.

I have just learned that the Senate is about to pass a bill that allows peaceful American scooterists to be detained indefinitely by the U.S. military, so I am alarmed.
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Black Ride-Day

So, @rubygirl asks if anyone's gonna ride. Sunny?  Check. 64°F?  Check.  Guy with two thumbs?  You know it.

I now think I have a damn near perfect 90-minute ride. It's a bit boring, but if you think River Road's fun, you'll like it, as we do all of River Road (which to me is about the most boring part of the ride) on this ride. One of the most fun parts to me is the little section of Little Pond Run Road leading up to Sam's Creek... and then of course Wiley Pardue Rd, through the Cheatham Wildlife Management Area (where The Duck was first awarded), and the stretch of TN-250 north to TN-49. Oh, and we started with that section of Old Charlotte Pike that rocks and rolls so very well.

The ride's about half roller coaster, half boring. Something for the whole fam damily!

UPDATE: Oh, right -- WTF?  Gas is getting near $3/gallon, again?  I filled up today for $3.069; last fill-up was $3.229, I think.

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The Seriously Important Shit

Someone thinks killing pigs with birds is not enough to get you through the waiting room time you and your smartphone have to endure on a daily basis, so some dumbasses are making a scooter jousting game. You can read all about it over at Modern Buddy.

Don't wake me until we have the Klingon targ hunt game bagged and tagged.
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Woman of Mystery

It was no dinner and a show, folx... it was all show and ride. And some good coke, of course.
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Well, I Missed It. I Missed It All.

... except for Friday night's screening of Larry Crowne (which I keep wanting to call "Larry Craig," for some reason, which makes me larf momentarily, inwardly). Yes, I have been in a fiercely antisocial mood for days, and avoided all human contact, preferring the company of cats, online (play-money) poker and the open road. Who can say why? Probably some fucked-up shit about serotonin that no one really understands very well, I'm guessing.

At any rate, I really want to apologize to all my scooter people for being a complete non-participant these last few days. Working the shop today really snapped me right out of it, but not enough for me to remember that we had a meetup scheduled for tonight, apparently. My first clue came when Ross texted me, and it didn't sink in until I saw his post about the meetup some minutes later, online. D'oh! So, I apologize to him, 'cause I was just bitching to him about the lame-ass levels of participation we've been getting lately... and then I forget to show up, altogether!

And really, big apologies to Jason, who is so sharing of his time, and to whom I owe small money (and larger debts of gratitude for his free advice and support in regards to my starting The Business) who put together the ride to Antique Archaeology for Saturday morning, and for which I was a no-show. And also to Willy, who, along with his enchanting wife and awesome infant son, hosted a cookout Saturday night less than three miles from my place... and again, I stayed home in my black cloud of "Piss Off, World"-ness.

Anyway, it's all temporary, and I'm getting back on track getting this demon stuffed back in its little box. So, I'll see you soon.

In the meantime, the graphic above is meant to piss off the oil companies, who despite record fucking profits -- and I mean profits that have never been seen in the HISTORY OF HUMAN EXISTENCE -- still seemingly have the support of Republican legislators to suckle at the taxpayers' collective tit, in case you haven't been following the news (which might explain in large part why I am so fucking pissed at the world... maybe I need to be ignorant, and maybe bliss will follow).
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Dead Jawa Storage

Me, on the phone to Josephine: Listen. If you come in tomorrow morning and find the shop full of dead Jawas, I can explain.

Yes, there is a story here. I'll have to tell it in person, though.
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The Baddest Belt Buckle In Nashville

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This Week's WTF Moment

I understand the space blanket in the windshield, but not sure what's up with the two that're bungeed to the tires.
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Idiocy.

The thangs some people will do to win a slow-as-hell, 50cc scooter.
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WANT.

Hey... gonna have most of the body panels off when I replace the engine... I wonder if there's a kit.
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I Thought It'd Been A While

... since I had been on a date. Well, maybe, but...
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Intuit (maker of QuickBooks, et al) Sucks, And Here Is Why

Intuit are extortionists.

The shop calls me early this morning, saying they're unable to complete a sale using the QuickBooks Point-of-Sale software they've been using since the shop opened. I'm their computer "go-to" guy. Their accountant -- who normally deals with All Things Intuit -- is unavailable.

Why might this be? Well, the new payroll tax exemptions put through by the Obama administration (to avoid doing the hard work of pointing out that the richest fuckers on Planet Earth need to pay a perfectly-justifiable little more) means that the FICA withholding on poor folx is going to be 2% less than it was last year. That meant the QuickBooks server software needed an upgrade, which the accountant has just dutifully performed in the last few days... huzzah! $187, and life is good... right?

NO. $187 for one computer, $997 for the other computer that does the actual cash drawer functions. Yay, free market! Or, as I like to call it, extortion.

See, the computer that actually sells people stuff now needs a software upgrade too, to be compatible with the new server software. Two computers -- one acting as server/database manager; one as client/sales/cash register.

One computer works. The one that makes it possible to open the cash drawer? Not so much! UNTIL the $1000 ransom is paid!

So, the quest begins. After an hour, both computers have the necessary software downloaded from intuit.com. After 90 minutes, both computers have the software mostly installed (after a lengthy refreshing of Micro$oft's .NET framework, anyway). Then, the software asks the $1000 question: Have thee a license number and product code?

Well, fuck NO, we don't have that -- there was never an option prior to this to allow us to PAY for such a privilege!

So then the online chats and phone calls start.

(to be continued)
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Also Found

... on the side of the road, out River Road, near Lillimay. QUACK!

Also happy to report that out of the scores of Harleys I met on the road today (64°F!), only one failed to give the wave.

BTW, shitty photo quality = result of using extent of optical zoom from the balcony. No, I do NOT have digital zoom enabled.
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Found

Ross and PatROCK were walking next door (from the shop) to Burger King, when Ross called out something unintelligible, and made a throwing motion over the fence towards me.

I believe this once belonged to Big Red Ugly, and so did he.
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