The 120kph Lifestyle

I think I like the fast lane. No school zones, no rolling stop signs (school buses), a lot fewer traffic lights and stop signs.

Plus, my commute is the opposite of the direction that 90% of local commuters are trying to go, so... I can't say I have the freeways to myself, but it's pretty gentle as fast riding goes. I just worry if it's a strain on my aging Kymco.

One thang is certain: I'm getting some hellacious fuel numbers. Here's some interesting figures from past years to compare... I just discovered this link, btw.
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Slopped At Stones

 I mean, uh, "Stopped at Sloan's," Murfreesboro.

They had this, and aside from the maroon stuff, PURTY KEWL. Piaggio BV350. Just over $6K, but... of course. Piaggio.

Of course, no one was around to help me or the other two young men shopping, so I tried to sell them a Kymco Agility.  ;)

The Kymco People GT300i?  Not impressive-looking in person. Disappointing, actually. Chintzy-looking.
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The War Rages On!

Not really, but crackers throughout the south like to think so, for some dumbass reason (git over it). However, we thought it'd be kinda cool to do up a Civil War-themed rally, and so we have (others much more than I)! We're now staring at three weeks and small change until the first Blue vs. Grey Rally kicks off, so make plans to come and have a damned fine time.

This here blog is an official sponsor, and here are the goodies I am donating to the general raffle. If this will be your first trip to Nashville, hit me up in the comments and let me know if there's anything not on the itinerary that you'd like to cover that weekend; I'll see what I can do for ya.

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Hammer Down, Now

I've been trying a partial interstate ride to work. I normally hate interstate riding, 'cause, a.) it's boring as shit*; b.) I have to ride the piss out of my 250 to stay anywhere close to keeping up with traffic, generally; c.) I like slower, more interesting rides.

But I also hate d.) getting up at the ass-crack of dawn, too.  :)  I actually don't mind that at all, but I like time to relax, have coffee, eat, shower, etc. and not be rushed out the door in the mornings. Being late is not good at any time, but being a new guy, I've determined that I'm just never going to do that.

The few days I've done a partial interstate ride, I've shaved 10-15 minutes off the commute, but Reynaud's was setting in. So, I hit up Cycle Gear's web site, to see if they had the solution, and they did. The CrampBuster is now on sale there for $5.99, and on my test ride back home via Briley Parkway, I can testify this is the best $6 I could have ever spent on a scooter accessory. I can easily hold 70 MPH, and never feel the slightest vibration through either hand. Awesome.

Heh.

* Except for the moments of pants-shitting terror, which is another reason not to ride the interstate.
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Heal Up, Mothelfuckel

Ross gives the thumbs-up, and tells y'all to get pre-registered TODAY for the Blue vs. Grey 2012 rally, biotches!
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Who Is That Bitch On A Motorpickle?

Heh.

UPDATE, 5/3/2012: Well, fuck. Less than 60 hours after I, by chance, snapped this photo, Ross (pictured) was the victim of a hit-and-run douchebag (~11:15p on 5/2), and is now at Vanderbilt ICU. His aorta was ripped and had to be repaired, but he is recovering, and can have visitors. I'll go Saturday morning. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
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Ain't Them Some Sexy Rhinos?

My new Red Wings, for work. I paid $9.46 for 'em. The company paid $100. Also suitable for the MSF course.
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Yeah, It's Getting Put to the Test

I can do two whole days of commuting to and from work before filling up on my 2.1-gallon fuel capacity. That fourth leg, I might be down to 0.2 gallons, but yesterday, I had nearly 0.5 left. Gas mileage is getting better.
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Karma Chameleon

Jeff and I went to test a backflow preventer at Haynes Manuals, today. They have quite the operation in La Vergne, including a display case that, I Shit Thee Not, is 50' long, and has thousands of Haynes Manuals in it. Only a dozen or so of the manuals are facing out; most are spine-out, like on a library shelf.

This is one that was face-out. And I caught it as we walked by. How cool is that?
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BadBoysBadBoysWatchaGonnaDo?

I had to stop in Bost Harley-Davidson, which is less than four miles from my house, and I was near there, anyway. I needed a replacement faceshield for my Fulmer AF-655 helmet, but as luck would have it, now that East Side Scooters is closed, no Fulmer dealers here in town stock diddly-squat for Fulmer accessories. Anyway, this cop Harley was parked out front, presumably for some maintenance. Bost looks like a friggin' '50s diner, and in fact has a cafe in it. Even the vending machines inside have the H-D logo on them, no shit.

Bad Penny beside my cross-the-way officer neighbor's patrol car, which is always parked nearby. He's a big dude. Don't wanna mess with him, badge or no.
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First

... let me thank Mr. and Dr. C., M.D., and their adorable infant son, Hank for having an awesome cookout at their lovely Sylvan Park home, today. And special thanks to Mr. C. for the lovely and functional Kymco can koozie.  :)

Also, thanks to Kerry and Amy for the sixer of PBR. Gifts are to celebrate the end of my cyber-beggarship.  :)
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Jobbed, Jazzed

Yes, yea verily! My long, national nightmare is over.

I got the call Monday morning, with the official offer letter and background check authorization e-mails to arrive about 36 hours later.

I am very pleased. This is a super company to work for, and they have top-notch technology, and great benefits. Continuing education is mandatory, and bonuses and raises are tied to certifications. A nice, no-fudging career path! The map above reflects my near 30-mile commute (which at current gas prices, is about $17/week).
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Oil Change #15

... on Bad Penny. Or at least performed by me, I should say. It likely had two before I got it.

Here's what you need to do an oil change on a scooter (any 4-stroke scooter, pretty much); clockwise from upper right:

a.) Catch basin;
b.) Funnel;
c.) Socket wrench w/17mm socket;
d.) Nasty-ass t-shirt, or similar not-completely-disgustingly-oily rag;
e.) Beer.

With the bike on its centerstand on level ground, start the engine and let run at idle for 2-4 minutes. You're warming up the oil to make it easier to drain. Then, shut off the bike. For all the following steps, remember that all parts of the exhaust system are going to be a little hot, so avoid contact with them.

Look underneath your scooter. If you don't see this 17mm bolt with a huge flange on it, you may have a 2-stroke. Otherwise, this be your oil drain plug. It's typically found at the lowest level of the crankcase. Unscrew and remove the oil dipstick from the bike, setting it on the nasty-ass t-shirt for now. Making sure your socket wrench is set to apply force in a counter-clockwise manner, affix said wrench (with 17mm socket applied) to the drain plug, and grunt a little. Break it loose, and make sure you have your catch basin strategically placed in a position where gravity +/- wind will carry the stream of old oil into it. Once that is done, remove the drain plug, completely.

Catch basins that incorporate a coarse grate are nice, as they catch bits that tend to drop out of the crankcase... in this instance, the spring and oil screen. This is perfectly normal behavior for bikes that do not have a separate oil filter, such as the People 250.

Using the nasty-ass t-shirt (or other such rag), wipe off the drain plug, spring and oil screen. Check the oil screen and drain plug for stray metal bits. Also examine the rubber gaskets on the drain plug and oil screen themselves for any damage. If you find any of the above, bring this to the immediate attention of your trusted mechanic, as these parts likely need replacing soon. Re-insert the spring and oil screen into the drain plug (small end of spring goes into the plug; oil screen rests inside the large end of the spring, gasket facing up towards the crankcase). Set the socket wrench to righty-tighty, and torque that mutha down. Place the funnel into the oil fill/check hole, and add your favorite oil in the appropriate amount. This will vary from bike to bike; the People 250 takes between 0.8-0.9L to fill.

Check the level with the dipstick. If anything, you want there to be only as much or slightly less oil in the crankcase than specified in your owner's manual at this point. If that is the case, replace the dipstick and tighten, wipe your oily hands on the nasty-ass t-shirt (you don't want oil on your throttle handle, keys, etc.... trust me), and start the engine.

Let the engine run for 2-4 minutes, checking for drips or leaks. Don't be fooled -- on some bikes, the centerstand is directly in the path of the old oil that you just drained, and if you didn't observe this and wipe everything down with the nasty-ass t-shirt, you might see a little dripping. Always make sure you identify the source of any drips, though... you do not want any oil coming from the area where the drain plug meets up with the crankcase. If that is the case, refer to the owner's manual, and apply appropriate torque to the drain plug using a torque wrench. If the dripping continues from this area after that, do not run the engine until a mechanic has checked it out. Running out of oil is VERY bad mojo.

After the engine has run a few minutes, shut it off, and again, check the oil level. Add oil if needed, carefully re-checking as you add. Do not overfill the crankcase!  If you do, you'll need to drain that costly new oil out, and start over.

Next, go get your Gojo Cleaner or whatever you have, and clean up, you filthy bastard. Open your beer, and drink, appreciating a job easily done in 15 minutes, and saving you at least $30 over standard shop labor rates.  :)
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Shameful

We stopped at the Zombie Shop on our way to taking a ride to Franklin, today. Most of these folx were at Rooster's awesome party the other night.

The reception we got was certainly not welcoming. Not hostile, but they looked at us as if we were carrying a load of shit in our pants. I cannot believe such cool people would take a hangover attitude like that towards scooter trash, who obviously support and dig the whole moped scene.

Our rally will not be this way, I promise.
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A Spectacle Quite Unlike

... any I have ever attended.

I knew Rooster had this thang planned for some time, but his reminder text this morning, "Free booze, strippers..." brought the reminder home. And I knew there was near 100% certainty that he wasn't bullshitting about any of it.

I pulled in around 9:30 p.m., a bit late, due to solving a neighbor's computer issues (which was itself quite an interesting adventure). Already, there were well over 100 people in attendance.

Within a minute of my trying to back my scooter in to park, at least 100 fucking mopeds showed up, right behind me (some blocking me in). 2-stroke smoke filled the air. Oh, yeah. It's that weekend. Man, what a scene.

I have no idea what this shit is doing in Rooster's bathroom, but it looks terribly freakin' important.

Rooster completes the OSHA inspection of the stripper pole.

This is truly as naked as they got while I was there, folx. Relax.  :)

To Rooster: I swear, man, this was a 13 on a scale from 1-10. I've not had this much fun without throwing up in 30 years. We're going to write books about this shit. It was astounding.
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Badass Scooter Shoes

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Sometimes, You Run Across...

... someone who looks like they need a laugh, and sometimes the perfect thang pops into your head to get them there.

You know when you walk into a store and are confronted with a clerk with this expression [above]? Like you know the clerk isn't going to speak first, greet you, ask if they can help you, etc.

Well, I got this just now at the gas station. It was a black woman, maybe a few years younger than me, and this was her exact expression. I stood there, a slight smile, as usual, waiting to see if she would say anything... like maybe, "You ready?" or anything at all. It never came.

So, in my best Mitt Rmoney exaggerated whitebread voice, enunciating every syllable to a ridiculous degree, I say, "Well, hello there, and good day! I would very much like to fuel up my motorbike on pump #3, please!"

The smile on her face slowly spread until she suppressed a laugh near the end. Still smiling, she shook her head slowly, took my card and said, "You're playin' with me." I closed my eyes and nodded, smiling.

"Have a good rest of the day, baby," she said, as she handed back my card.
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Hope To Stay Away

Having bought my second license tag in a week (that is only good through the end of May!), I have to come up with a solution that either makes the tag absolutely irremovable without power cutting equipment, or that makes it easily removable, so that I can bring it in the house at night.
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The Ride Challenge Now Has An Incentive Been Canceled

UPDATE: No one has bitten on this, and it's been months. I'm gonna donate the netbook (and a helmet) to the raffle prize pool for the 2012 Blue vs. Grey Rally, instead. Sorry, suckas... you had your chance!

Look. The weather's awesomesauce. I've been asking you dorks to go find the best rides in the Nashville area since whenever. I did my part, and as much as I love the ride I found, I'd rather grasp my uvula with rusty meat tongs than to have someone suggest that ride the next time we're trying to put a last-minute ride together on a nice Sunday afternoon. I CRAVE NEWNESS.

Now, you're not on your own. I gave you pointers. There are the tools. Don't have 'em, wanna borrow 'em?  We can talk about that. You people!  Take, take, take!  But this is for The Greater Good. Remember what Spock said to Dr. McCoy in Star Trek IX?  Me neither, but fuck all that -- Spock wasn't giving away a netbook, and Nimoy bailed WAY before Star Trek IX, so fuck him, too.

So, here's what's on the line... a nearly-new Asus Eee PC 900 netbook computer, pre-loaded with Ubuntu Linux, the easiest, lightest, sweetest OS on the planet*. If you ever wanted the perfect lightweight net-surfing device that has an actual keyboard, this here's okay for all that. It'd put men on Mars, if our Mars program started in 1982. That's just how badass it is. Hey!  I see you over there, snickering with your iPhone or your Android... yeah, what is your WPM on that shitty little touchscreen, again?  Yeah, sit down, shut up. We're talkin', here.

The Deal: Feed me a Google Map of your best ride starting in Davidson County, TN, and going as far as any of the counties contiguous to Davidson County, TN, before midnight, 5/15/2012, and you get an entry to win this fabulous Asus netbook!  Arrange to take me on the ride you submitted before 5/1/2012, and you get two entries to win the fabulous Asus netbook!  Final determination has nothing to do with how many entries you have, though... I have to ride the ride, and my judgement of HOW frappinglicious it is is FINAL, as I own the fabulous Asus netbook, and I'm not giving it to someone who half-ass rides me around 2nd Avenue.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. START YOUR ENGINES.

* For certain values of "easiest," "lightest" and "sweetest."
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No Way To Go Through Life, Son

You may recall my recent little rant about inconsiderate asshat neighbors. Well, sure enough, as I met up with Vic and Dan at the Thornton's, we noticed that my tag was gone.

Fortunately, the cops here just take a report over the phone, and give you a number that you take to the county clerk's office, and buy a pro-rated tag. Problem solved... tomorrow.

UPDATE, 3/19/2012: Under ten minutes in the Green Hills county clerk's satellite office, and problem solved.

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